Logically Illogical
by Perhapsormaybe
Summary: A satire of the common cliches found in Ben 10 fanfics. Included are MPreggers, Pregnant Gwen, the origins of Devlin and Ken, Evil!Kevin and several others. Irreverent, and no pairing is safe. Will be making fun of cliches for Gwevin, Bevin and Bwen.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **Sooo...this is intended to be funny. I'm trying to make fun of as many cliches as I can for a contest regarding cliches. As such, this is a rather mean spirited story. Yes, there will be OOC, because a lot of writers (not all, of course) go OOC. Eventually I'll make fun of Bwen as well as Bevin and Gwevin cliches, but I actually run into a lot less with them, so it may take a while. I'm even kind of poking fun at some of the really good fanfics, so I won't really be surprised if this story gets flamed. Please note that this is only a satire. I do not really mean any of it seriously. Okay?

"You can't be pregnant," Ben insisted, staring at his cousin's stomach.

"Yes, I can be."

"But who's the father?" Ben demanded. Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Kevin, obviously."

"....he didn't!" Ben groaned, pounding a fist on the table. "I can't believe that jerk...wait...how have you even had time to ..uh...'be' with him, anyways? He went back to being evil a few years ago..."

"He was stalking me."

"...so...you slept with him. Even though he was stalking you."

"Yep, that pretty much explains it."

"Well, that's going to make this harder to hear," Ben said, putting a hand on his own stomach. "Kevin's the father of my baby, too."

Gwen spat out her orange juice. "...that's not physically possible."

"Doctors can do amazing things these days," Ben said, crossing his arms over his stomach.

"Yeah, but how could Kevin be the father unless he was willing?"

"He's been stalking me, too," Ben said. "It just sort of lead somewhere. So, now we're going to have a baby together."

"...so yours was completely on purpose, even though Kevin's still on the bad guy side?"

"Yep."

Gwen sighed. "Great. Well, I guess that means Kevin knows about you being pregnant?"

"He knows I was trying. He doesn't know it took. Does he know you're pregnant?"

"Nope. I figured I wouldn't tell him, I'd let him show up to stalk me again...he usually turns up at least once a year, so he'd see for himself soon enough. When are you going to see him?"

"I don't know...sometimes I kind of stalk him. Sometimes he stalks me. Sooner or later we'll run into each other, probably during some tech deal."

"Wait...wait..." Gwen held up her hands, "What happened to Julie? You were dating her...did you cheat on her with Kevin, or?"

"Oh, her? She got ran over by a bus."

"...you seem very calm about this..."

"Oh, yeah, I got over it pretty quick," Ben admitted. "I guess I just secretly found her annoying. Plus I had Kevin to fall back on. But why aren't you mad at me? You know, for stealing Kevin?"

"Because I've got a photo collection of you two together. You're actually very cute. I started a fan club."

"...Oh."

"Besides, I'm carrying his baby too."

"I wonder how Kevin feels about all of this," Ben pondered, rubbing his chin.

"We'll find out soon enough," Gwen insisted. "He'll steal something soon, you and I will have to stop him...."

"Isn't it usually just one of us? and last time you were too angry with him to go.."

"Yeah, we do kind of trade off, don't we?" Gwen mused. "Every other time, you go and you're angry at him while I stay home because I don't want to fight him, or I go and ...you stay home and you're angry at him, but I'm trying to protect him from you..."

"What was that last part?"

"Nothing, nothing."

**Another Note: **I did not kill Julie off because I don't like her. I did this as a reference to all the people who kill Julie off/make her move away/have her break it off with Ben just so they can pair Ben with whomever.


	2. Mary Su

**Author's note: **So, most people got that it was a parody. Thank goodness. That was actually a huge relief. As requested, now I'm going to gouge into Mary Sues. Because they may be my most hated cliche of all. this part is written without any hint of subtlety because most Mary Sues are written so as to pound into your head "I'm better than the main characters! LOVE ME! Everyone in the story does...". Again with the Julie bashing, because most who write Ben/OC have something happen to Julie. Poor, poor Julie. The girl just can't catch a break, can she? (Again, this does not reflect my personal opinions on the character. I still like Julie.)

Ben sighed. Irritated that neither Gwen nor Kevin looked up, he sighed again. Still no reaction.

"You two don't care about me," He pouted, his lower lip jutting out.

"Tell it to the new girl you keep going on and on about," Kevin snipped, wiping off the hood of his car.

"Wait...what happened to Julie?" Gwen asked.

"She moved away," Ben said, shrugging. "Didn't want a long distance relationship."

"Ah. Umm...aren't you moving a little fast?"

"No, because this girl's amazingly beautiful and perfect and a million times better than Julie."

"Oh. I guess it's all right then."

"But she doesn't know about my powers," Ben said, thinking it over. "And I'm not sure she'd understand...fighting aliens is kind of a weird hobby."

"Whatever, Tennyson, I'm sick of hearing about your problems," Kevin tucked part of the washrag he'd been using into his pocket. "I'm going to go grab a soda. Are either of you coming?"

"I'll go," Gwen agreed, hopping into the backseat. Ben shook his head.

"Nah, I'll walk home."

"Suit yourself," Kevin agreed, getting into the driver's seat and pulling away.

As Ben made his way to the sidewalk, something way too overly convenient happened - there was the new girl, standing there. She wasn't faced towards him, she was seeming to focus on a tree in the distance. There was a cat caught in the upper branches, and from her hand shot forth a sort of energy that grabbed the cat and set it down.

"You have powers?" Ben blurted out, accidentally alerting her to his presence.

"Oh...yeah...hi, Ben," The girl blushed, looking down.

"You're Mary, right? From school?"

She nodded. "I guess this is kind of weird for you to be seeing..." she pulled a plumber's badge from her back pocket. "I'm half alien. Half anodite, more specifically...."

"I'm a quarter anodite! That's kind of spooky. ...you have a really similar power to my cousin." Ben could not believe his luck. She was amazingly endowed with special powers herself, and she was the one he'd been thinking about earlier.

Having powers made her cooler than Julie, right? Much more likeable. Plus she didn't wear a stupid pink hoodie with everything.

That moment, a DNAlien attacked. Before Ben could even transform, Mary had already finished fighting it, and was calmly eating a sandwich she pulled seemingly out of nowhere.

So, she was also a lot stronger.

"What the heck, Tennyson?" Kevin and Gwen had come back, both of them with a soda cup in their hands. They looked from Mary to the DNAlien and then back at Ben. "What happened?"

"Uh...she beat him?" Ben said, shrugging.

"Oooh! I have a new best friend!" Gwen proclaimed, glomping onto Mary in a very not-Gwen way.

"Great, girl stuff," Kevin said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"You're just upset because you like Gwen and don't want me monopolizing her time." Mary explained. "Now tell her the truth or else..." her hand began to glow and Kevin looked momentarily frightened.

"...wow. You're right. Even though everyone else already knows I like Gwen and have hinted at it, your amazing way of putting it has made me realize the whole truth. Thank you, Mary. Thank you," Kevin shook her hand enthusiastically, then grabbed Gwen and kissed her on the spot.

"I guess you're part of the team now!" Ben said cheerfully. "And..maybe my new girlfriend?"

"Of course!"

"So, what's your last name?"

"Su. Why?"

"Just wondering."

**End Part Two.**

**Author's Note:** Any other cliches you'd like tackled? I've got some other ideas, but if you guys have any suggestions, I'd be more than happy to try to do them.


	3. Kevin's Angst

**Reader Responses: **Flipped Out Soldier: I have no idea how Ben manages to keep getting pregnant in stories. It's typically combined with his Big Chill incident in a means to pretend that it's plausible. However, if you like Bevin, there are some Benpreggers stories that are actually good.

1000GreenSun: I'm glad you like it. Satire is quite fun to write.

Nahrikira: I believe that Kevin is currently in therapy over Ben and Gwen's pregnancies. Angsting to anyone who would listen, as he seems only capable of angsting in many fanfics (Which will be tonight's topic of choice)

Manisha Sarker: It's a parody, don't be so stiff about things. The "Logical" part is just in humor. These aren't meant to be logical at all. I'm just ticked off that every time I log in in the hopes of finding a good fan fiction, I'm met with the same stories over and over again, and most horribly executed and terribly out of character.

Brodwaybabe4: Thank you!

Yin7: And a thank you to you as well.

Amethyst Turtle: I'm afraid Julie is the Kenny of Ben 10. Fanfiction constantly kills her off. Which is sad.

Snaperules: Yes..I find evil!Kevin stalking Ben or Gwen fascinating, but the idea that their response would be to have sex with him is…strange.

Fairy of the Flames: I'm glad you're not taking it seriously as well, otherwise I wouldn't be doing my job of making fun of things.

Aeryn: glad you liked.

Bwen: I will be getting to Bwen, probably after this chapter. I have to read through more stories with it in there, and the only cliché I'm really finding is that it's stupidly over romanticized (which Gwevin and even Bevin sometimes also have that problem, but it seems Bwen gets even more lovey dovey…)

Twilight Phantom Dragon: Ooh! So good to have someone I'm a fan of responding to my fanfic. And yeah…If I see one more Mary Sue who replaces Julie…well, I may just review them and tell them what all I dislike about their story instead of parodying them…but then, what's the fun in that?

Amethyst Turtle: I'm not sure what the Julie hatred's about. I'm hoping it'll go down the more she's shown in the series.

Psychodahlia: I'm going to quote your review in my author's note here in a moment….anyways, I will tackle that cliché when I can get to it, I promise.

**Author's Note: **I'm making fun of the Angsting Kevin cliché while simultaneously mocking a true to life author I happen to despise (there's hints throughout the chapter as to that author's identity). This is a Parody. In the words of Psychodahlia "Whoever doesn't understand this is a parody should get off the internet and get back on the shortbus". Quoted for truth, and for epically winning. I am sorry that this is terribly short, but there's only so long but if I got as repetitive as the stories I'm mocking, I'd shoot myself (of note: There is repetition in here, but only because I find these kinds of stories like to repeat "ZOMG, Cannot dates Gwen, I's gonna turn back into a monster! I'm sure of it! Woe is me!")

_**In Which Kevin Poetically Angsts All Over Us, Making a Huge Mess and Ticking Off Those Of Us Which Understand His Character, While Simultaneously Mocking a No Talent Hack Who Somehow Managed To Be Published - In Third Person, Naturally, As We Cannot Make Kevin Say These Out Loud in an Effort to Pretend That We Are Still In Character**_ (Yes, that is what I'm calling this chapter)Oh, my sweet, wonderful, beautiful, amazing, breath taking angel. How I long for you. How I wish to hold you, but I fear so much that you would break...We can not be together. I'd only hurt you. Despite the fact I keep hitting on you, keep implying I'd like to go out with you and didn't turn you down when you wanted me to take you to the dance, I know deep down in my heart that it's not meant to be.I am an ex con. A monster. That monster still lurks inside me...it hungers for me to hurt you. Well...not physically. I'm not that big of a bastard anymore...But I would hurt you. I would betray your trust, and go back to tech dealing, to stealing...even though the latter I've done in front of you on at least two occasions, and while you didn't seem to approve, you didn't tell me not too either....You must have fallen from heaven..No...Wait.I'm supposed to be the fallen one, you're the angel. I can't mix those up....Your beauty amazes me. Your emerald green eyes sparkle, taking my breath away. You are dazzling. You are an angel, a sparkling, sweet, beautiful angel. And I..I am as still so monstrous, on the verge of becoming that hideous being again at any moment if I'm not I kept my distance. Watching her, waiting...wishing I could be with her, noting every little thing about her, yet somehow still needing someone else to tell me what her favorite flowers one day...one day she will be _my_ Angel. My Pumpkin. My Babe. My Sweetheart...she will be all mine..... Whenever he overcame that damn monster...I sighed and went back to working on my car as my thoughts ran unbridled through my head, the emotions dancing there if I could only grasp them for a moment.I frowned in mind once again turned towards the day we'd met. Maybe the first time...when I barely said a word to her and was more interested in playing video games with her cousin...but still, I loved her even then!....Or maybe it was later, when I tried to kill her....but she'd seen through the monstrosity back then, right?....Well, at least she could..once I wasn't a monster anymore, anyways. The day Ben put the omnitrix back on.I'd reexamined it over and over again, usually noting the exact same things...rehashing them over and over again, like some played out story that seems to be written using different amount of pretty words, but nothing new is ever brought to had saved me that day. Surely, if she hadn't told him that people could get hurt, he'd have never helped them later the fact that I'd admitted later I was doing it for the memory of my father...But that didn't matter right now! Only Gwen did. I cringed as I thought of the time Morningstar had attempted to steal her from me. The jealousy I'd felt over it still sets me off. How dare that guy? I think next time we fight Tinkerbell, I'll hit him an extra time. Just as a precaution. Just because Morningstar had become Darkstar and was still evil didn't mean the guy wouldn't try to steal Gwen again, despite clearly only wanting her powers the first time we'd strange part was that I know that Gwen wants to be with me. I can not fathom how that sweet, angelic, amazing angel from heaven wants to be with me. I guess she can see right through me, see who I can be. I need to be with her....But I'm so afraid of the monster I could become again....Eh, maybe I'll date Ben instead.

**Author's Commentary: **I'm not saying that Kevin really should end up with Ben (I do, however, love Bevin very much…but I prefer Gwevin myself). I'm just joking around. If I see one more person writing about how Gwen is Kevin's "Angel" and he is "The monster", I'm going to lose it. I encourage you to point these people to the other stories that have the exact same damn plot line (and expressions, and use of 'angel' and 'monster' and/or 'demon') as they're using. Also, why does Kevin always need to call Gwen "pumpkin" in stories? Gaaah, the out of character clichés! I fear them! Remember, any cliché you'd like to see poked fun at, just leave a review mentioning it, or even just send me a message with it.


	4. Gwen: Valley Girl

**Author's Note: **a reviewer reminded me of the annoyance that is Out of Character Gwen, In First Person. (by the way, I think I said something about putting the last chapter in 3rd person, while it was actually in 1st. I would apologize if I didn't find the irony so hilarious…I've noted that some of those fanfics really do change tenses in the middle or just throughout the story, so I'm opting not to fix it. No, it wasn't done on purpose, but it's funny to me that it turned out that way). Updated quickly as a thanks that the last chapter didn't have _anyone_ making a stupid comment about it being unrealistic or with a confused emoticon. IF I SEE ONE MORE STORY WHERE GWEN TALKS LIKE A VALLEY GIRL, I WILL LOSE IT! Those of you who can calmly give constructive criticism, I urge you to start using it. Those of us with too many anger issues….well, those calm people I just mentioned? Kindly remove all sharp objects from our reach. Thank you, and enjoy your chapter.

**Gwen, Valley Girl:**

So, I'm at the mall with Julie, who is totally my best friend, getting a manicure like we do, like, every week. We giggle and gossip, and she tells me all about what she and Ben are up to, and I tell her how hot Kevin looked with his shirt off.

Oh, my god, he is _so _hot. Like, I could totally cook something on his chest or something.

I fiddle with a piece of my hair as I think about him. He's so amazingly cute. Why won't he ask me out? I've hinted, I've even directly asked him…maybe he doesn't like me? Oh. My. God. I would just like…die.

Of course, if he does like me, I may just drop dead. Kevin Levin, liking me. It just doesn't seem possible.

If he ever told me he liked me, I think I'd jump him right then and there. We'd kiss and make out and maybe even go all the way! I hold back a squeal at that thought.

Okay, maybe not _that _far. I mean, what if I got pregnant in high school? Nah, he's totally worth the risk, even though that would be incredibly stupid of me and there's just some nagging part of me that keeps saying that that would be really dumb.

Oh, shit, Julie knows what I'm thinking about. She keeps looking at me all Omni…Omni…like she knows what the fuck I'm thinking about.

…Hmm, I never used to curse.

I guess today's just all about new experiences.

"What?" I ask, irritated, even though not only does she know what I'm thinking, it shouldn't matter because I've already said that she knows that I like Kevin and we talk about him, and how hot he is, and how I like him shirtless, and how there's always some excuse for me to see him without his shirt on…

Stupid hormones.

"Thinking about Kevin?"

"…No…" I say, staring intently at the manicurist, who has just finished both my hands. "I'm thinking about…other things."

"You totally were! You like Kevin!"

"Oh my god, I do not!"

"Gwen, you've told me before you like him."

"Oh…right." Wasn't I just thinking that? I giggle. Guess I'm just forgetting things these days. Whoopsies! So why am I denying it, then? Guess I just got distracted by the thought of him, shirtless…sweaty…

Okay, got to keep my mind _off _that image. …Or tuck it away for later, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

But my parents would totally freak out if I dated Kevin. I mean, I'm a good girl and I make straight A's and he's all…ex-conny and maybe he's in high school, maybe he's a drop out, I don't know. Even though mom didn't seem to have any problems with him and Daddy asked if he was my boyfriend and didn't sound angry about it….

But seriously, they would blow their lids. And Daddy might hit me, just like he always does. That reminds me, I'm also really upset about how evil my father is, even though he was so accepting of my alien powers and even willing to let me go to Anodyne if I wanted to, but he's really a sick, twisted bastard who hits me.

….Mom's never really in the picture for some reason…

"Gwen, you're spacing…" Julie snaps me back to reality. Such a good friend. "By the way, your outfit is totally gorgeous and amazing, and let's describe it in detail!"

"Um, okay, for once, for some reason even though today is nothing special, I'm not wearing my school uniform. I'm wearing this totally awesome blue top halter top thingy, but it doesn't look slutty on me or anything, and I've got white Capri pants with little heart accents and wedged heel sandals that are like, champagne colored or something, and I have my hair swept back in this sort of half bun thing."

"It looks great," Julie said appreciatively. "But oh my god, I have to go, cause Ben just called and needs me!"

"…your phone never rang," I point out. She shrugs and runs off, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

So.

Kevin.

Kevin Ethan Levin. Kevin _E _Levin….I giggle. He hates that, but he told me his middle name after I begged long enough.

Does that mean he wants me too?

Oh my god, I would be so happy if that's what it meant.

Now _my _cell goes off. "hello?"

"Uh..Gwen…it's Kevin. I'm just calling because I would love to take you on a date tonight at seven. It'll be really romantic and amazing if you'll just give me the chance, Gwen."

"Oh my god, Kevin! Of course I will! And in a few years, we can get married and have babies!"

"Aww, do we really have to wait on that second part?"

**End Chapter**

**Explanation: **So. First off, the sad thing is I can find you stories were Gwen talks like that. It makes me want to cry. Secondly, the annoying part where she suddenly starts describing her clothing is from fanfics where she's not at a special occasion, but the author still takes two paragraphs or more to describe her clothing. The whole "Zomg, Kevin's hawt!" thing comes from many, many, many fanfics where all Gwen can focus on is that Kevin's …well…hot. And the whole 'daddy beats me, mommy's not in the picture for some reason' is because I have found stories where Frank suddenly abuses his daughter, Kevin has to rescue her, blah blah blah, let the emo clichés begin! (anyone have a razor blade she can borrow?).

As for her mom never being in the picture, it's because a lot of those abuse stories, her mom doesn't know about it or isn't in the fic or is barely in the fic.

Again, still taking requests on clichés. Bwen is up next. (in a chapter I call "Can't Marry Your Cousin? Move To Alabama!" - no offense meant to anyone from Alabama, but I am dealing with clichés and stupid assumptions here).


	5. Bwen: The tragedy of cousin love

**Author's Note: **So, one review I received claimed that cousin marriage is legal, because the assumptions based on it aren't true. That's actually incorrect (well, the assumptions not being true part _is_ correct - marrying your cousin is not likely to make your children mentally handicapped). Within some states, it is illegal to marry your first cousin. I researched it just to be sure (because part of the reason I'm writing this parody is to mock authors who don't take the time to research). Cousin lovin is all right in some states, and in no state is it illegal for you to marry your second cousin. However, if Ben and Gwen happen to live in Nevada, Kentucky, Indiana, Washington or Wisconsin, Arkansas, Delaware, Iowa, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, New Hampshire, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Nebraska, Oregon, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Texas, West Virginia and Wyoming all have laws against marrying your first cousin. Starting with Arkansas and beyond, they're cool with second cousins, but first cousins? Nope. Won't allow it. Though some of those do allow you to marry your first cousin once removed (the child of your cousin). However, I've always thought the scenery of Alien Force makes it look like they live in California, Nevada or Arizona, and only one of those states ban cousin marriages, so they may be good to go.

"Oh, Ben, if only we could be together!" Gwen whined. "it's so tragic, like Romeo and Juliet…without all the dying…"

"I know, Gwen, I know…"

"Do they not realize that we can hear them?" Frank Tennyson asked. "Hey, kids, cousin marriage is legal here, and we're kind of weirded out by it, but we're not going to disown you guys…"

"Don't tell them that," Kevin hissed, "I want Gwen all to myself and I refuse to let Tennyson have her!"

"Oh, Gwen," Ben lamented, "I've loved you so long, but we can never be together…my parents and Uncle Frank and Aunt…Christine….won't allow it."

"Ben, my mom's name isn't Christine…"

"Oh. Angela?"

"No.."

"Rose?"

"No…."

"That's not what's important, Gwen! Damn it, the important thing is that we find a way to be together, even though the law says we can't…"

"Oh, I know, Ben…"

"Seriously, kids," Carl said this time, "It's legal in this state….."

"Will you people stop telling them that?!" Kevin insisted. "If they stop being self absorbed for five seconds and stop just thinking about how tragic it is they can't be together, they may actually hear you!"

"Oh, go get blown up by something so that your canon crush stops getting in the way!" Gwen said to Kevin, before turning back to Ben. "I don't know what they were talking about…what were we talking about again?"

"How life is cruel and evil because we love each other but we're cousins so we'll never get to be together," Ben responded.

"Okay, these kids just aren't listening," Sandra Tennyson said, throwing her hands in the air. "..Wait a minute, Frank, what is your wife's name?"

"It's Natalie!" Natalie Tennyson said, "For some reason Ben can't seem to remember his own Aunt's name all the time…"

"Well, that's strange," Sandra admitted.

"Hello!" Ben interrupted. "Will you guys be quiet so that Gwen and I can continue our angsting over how we love each other but cousin love is taboo?"

"Hey, everyone!" Grandpa Max came in without knocking. "Have I missed anything?"

"Gwen just told Kevin to go get blown up because apparently she hates him now, Ben and Gwen are in love but don't want anyone to know about it because cousin love is taboo, and we've finally learned Natalie's name," Carl explained.

"Who's Natalie?" Max asked.

"I am!" Natalie Tennyson said.

"Oooh! So that's your name…I thought it was some flower or something…"

"Hello! Teenage angsting over here!" Gwen called. "Can you guys please keep it down so that we can keep the dramatic tension going?"

"…isn't cousin marriage legal in this state?" Max asked.

"Again," Kevin repeated, "Would you guys _please _stop trying to tell them that so that I can still have a chance with Gwen just because she wants to be with Ben but might not be willing to risk it and therefore will have a relationship with me….or she may just date me out of pity. So long as I get something, I really don't care about the motivation…"

"You mean Gwen doesn't like you anymore?" Max asked.

"Of course Gwen likes me!" Kevin insisted.

"You are delusional!" Gwen called back at him. "…or I like you, but I love Ben. I'm not sure. It seems to keep changing. Or I love you, but I love Ben more. Something like that."

"Gwen!" Ben whined, "you didn't mention anything about our taboo cousin love!"

"Oh, right, sorry….I love you…"

"And I love you, but however will we go on?"

"I know, I know…I feel like I'm dying inside because I can't be with you…" Gwen said, starting to cry.

"Don't cry, I'll be here for you…"

"Oh, screw this," Kevin finally said, throwing his hands up and starting to go outside.

"Where are you going?" Frank asked.

"I'm going to go make out with my car. At least it loves me. Tell Gwen and Ben I'm leaving….bye, Max, Frank, Sandra, Carl…….Petunia…"

"It's Natalie!" Natalie corrected.

"Whatever."

Gwen had her head buried on Ben's shoulder as she sobbed into it. "We have to run away, to some place where we'll be accepted."

"I know…I know…but where will we go?"

"Is anyone going to stop them from running away by pointing out that cousin marriage is legal here?" Sandra asked.

"Do you _really_ want to live with that? With them all lovey dovey and all over each other and angsting over how they can't be together because we don't accept them?" Natalie pointed out.

"Good point," Sandra admitted. "Hey, kids!" She called. "We don't accept your views. You're not allowed to see each other anymore!"

Ben started crying. "You can't control my life and you can't stop us! We're in love! C'mon, Gwen!" They both stormed out of the house together.

"…That was a little harsh…" Max pointed out. "…but damn if I can't see why you did it. Those kids sure did get annoying…."

**The End**

Explanation: So. One thing I hate is when if there's opposition to your pairing, you blow the opposition up. Canon should not be ignored nor blown up. If it's in the way, find a way to _explain _it away. For some reason Natalie's been given a ton of different names…probably because she's never called by name. Look up the credits to "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" Her name is Natalie. TAKE THE FRIGGIN TIME TO LOOK IT UP INSTEAD OF RENAMING A CHARACTER.

Bwen seems incredibly self involved…all they care about is one another. This doesn't work. Ben and Gwen are both very caring people. Also, I've seen a few were Gwen becomes strangely angry towards Kevin for asking her out, rather than politely telling him no (which if she wasn't interested, Gwen would definitely be polite about it, at least). And then Kevin gets all whiny because he wants Gwen, but she's not interested. And yada yada yada, and Julie either isn't mentioned or spontaneously combusts or something. I have nothing against Bwen...I ship all three major pairings, but I think this was my favorite thing to parody so far. Keep the suggestions coming!


	6. Omnitrix Dopplegangers

**Author's Note: **I feel a little bad about doing this chapter, as I've only read synopsis for these kinds of stories (other than one I read back in like, December). The overabundance of people other than Ben with the omnitrix annoyed me so much I couldn't bring myself to click on even one of the stories. This was a request by my good friend LadyLalasa. If one of you had read any of those stories and can tell me that they were good, let me know which one it was and I'll check it out. I read one several months ago and it was garbage, so…little gun shy. Someone has requested Benlie - I'll be honest, it gets so few stories that I don't even know how to begin parodying that one. If you have any suggestions, they're appreciated. Chapter after this will be Bevin. Please keep the requests coming!

"All right," Ben said, switching the dial on his omnitrix to Echo Echo, "You're going down!" He told the High Breed he was facing.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT!" Came a loud call. Both Ben and the High Breed paused to see a young man running up to them. "I'm Ricky! I have an omnitrix and I am here to fight the High Breed!"

"That's….kind of my job," Ben explained, "Right down to the omnitrix part."

"Hey!" A girl this time had appeared, also sporting an omnitrix, "My name's Lisha and I too have an omnitrix!"

"The vermin's technology is multiplying almost as fast as they are," The High Breed noted.

"Tell me about it," Ben responded, as another wave of kids - some teenagers, some preteens and a few around ten appeared out of nowhere, each with an omnitrix on their arm.

"You're going down!" The kids with omnitrixes all announced in unison to the High Breed.

"I thought I was fighting humans, not rabbits," the High Breed complained, "How many kids with omnitrixes does this planet have?"

"It's supposed to only be one," Ben explained, "I mean…Albedo was forced to look like me because I have the default DNA for the omnitrix…"

There was a loud 'pop' as logic finally caught up to the new omnitrix bearers, and now it was an army of Ben Tennysons. There were shrieks from more than half, who had previously been girls and were not quite sure how to deal with suddenly having a brand new appendage after losing other parts. The boys seemed confused, but not nearly as worried or scared.

"Well, it doesn't matter!" The boy, Ricky, who of course now looked like Ben, exclaimed, "Because I am an awkward teenager who's a lot like Ben so that I can be likeable, therefore I will have no problem beating this guy!"

"…I don't feel like fighting anymore," The High Breed said, sighing. "It's just not fun against a bunch of clones."

"I know what you mean," The real Ben Tennyson admitted, "The army of dopplegangers, while handsome, seem to lack any sense of originality. I bet half of them fight the same villains I already defeated."

"So what do we do now?" The High Breed asked.

"I dunno…." Ben admitted. "…Wanna go get a smoothie?"

Again, the High Breed sighed. "Screw it, it's not like it's possible to really make this story any more out of character."

And so, Ben and the High Breed went to Mr. Smoothy's to get smoothies, and Azmuth descended to Earth and imprisoned all the new omnitrix wearers, forcing them to share a cell with Albedo, who kept asking them for chili fries.

**Author's Note: **I had a lot of chocolate today. And yes, I find this funny. Hopefully you guys will, too.


	7. Bevin

**Author's Note: **This time I'm not on a chocolate high, but I do have an endorphin high from working out (and trust me, for me, that can be just as bad). So I'm updating twice tonight. First up…the ever popular Bevin (Now with "Pairings of Convenience" added).

"Banana smoothie!" Ben said happily, sipping at his straw. Kevin watched him closely, before finally glomping the boy. "Ouch! Kevin! What was that for?"

"You're so cute!" Kevin said, cuddling him. "You know, there's plenty of room in the back of my car for…things…"

"Sitting right here," Gwen pointed out, glaring at Ben. "And who said you can have Kevin anyways? He's mine?"

"Stupid bitch, who said I wanted you?"

"You implied it!"

"When? Name one time!"

"Let's see….'I'd follow you anywhere', 'who wouldn't have a crush on you?', wanting to spend time alone with me without Ben, telling me I should have gone out with you when you were 'young and handsome', pretending your back was hurt so you could lean on me, you refused to help Ben find Ken, but when I asked you agreed to it, you hugged me after you turned back to normal after Vulkanus turned you into that Taedenite, getting all upset about me possibly going to Anodyne, getting jealous of Michael Morningstar, getting worried about me with Tiny, we almost kissed, you danced with me, we hugged, we went on a friggin date to the autoshow…"

Kevin seemed to mull these times over. "That doesn't prove anything. But I don't like you. Not that way."

Suddenly, Gwen uncrossed her arms. "I think it's great you two are together!" She pulled a camera from seemingly out of nowhere. "let's take pictures and put them up on a website!"

"..Gwen…are you all right?" Ben asked.

"I'm fine…wait, what happened to Julie?"

"We decided to be friends," Ben explained. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because I am suddenly in love with her!"

Ben and Kevin exchanged glances. "….You're gay, Gwen?"

"…Apparently. That or I'm so upset about losing Kevin that I'm switching sides now."

"What about Cooper?" Kevin suggested.

"Hmm…maybe I should date him instead. Yes, I have always been secretly attracted to Cooper."

Ben considered it. "Nah, you'd be better off with Julie."

"I think you're right," Gwen agreed. "And she's probably so hung up about losing you that she's switched teams as well….."

"Well, good, we're all paired up and happy, then," Kevin said, still holding Ben.

"I'm not happy!" Gwen suddenly cried. "Ben, you're evil and I hope you die and I can't believe you stole my boyfriend from me!"

"I am not your freaking boyfriend!" Kevin insisted.

"I'm not getting in the middle of this," Ben said, continuing to gulp down his smoothie. "…Or am I supposed to angst about being in love with Kevin since he's in love with Gwen?"

"I already freaking told you, I don't like her! She's a horrible, mean person."

"…..Are both of you having a visit from 'Aunt Flo'?" Ben asked.

Kevin looked at Gwen, who shrugged. Ben continued. "Because you're both acting very strangely, like you're PMSing."

"Bastard! We do not mention that time of the month!" Gwen said, throwing a ball of mana at her cousin. Kevin stepped in the way and took the blow on Ben's behalf, before scrambling to brawl with Gwen in the street.

Ben watched, slightly amused. "Hmm…" He said, as the final bits of smoothie came out of his straw. "I need a refill…" He watched as Kevin threw Gwen half way down the street, with continued shouts of "I never loved you" before looking at the smoothie cup and throwing it away. "I'm starting to think I had too many of these…"

"Hey, Benji!" Kevin called, "I got rid of the irritation, let's go have sex in the back of my car now.

Ben sighed. "….eh, why not?"

**Author's Note:** Explanations here: Gwen being bipolar is because a lot of things in Bevin fics with her in them piss me off. What I hate are when she gets paired with Julie (No way in hell is either girl gay…even though I'd love to see Gwen/Charmcaster personally, but that's my own hang up) or Cooper (she's not interested. She's never going to be interested. Ever.). The worst one is when she's suddenly a total utter bitch to Ben for stealing Kevin from her. Yeah, she'd be upset, but Gwen loves her cousin and would try to be understanding. Also Kevin suddenly hating her is just…way out in left field.

Ben's kind of just watching everything because I don't know how he would handle Gwen and Kevin suddenly hating each other and fighting in the street. Normally he'd probably try to stop it, but I think he's convinced they're clones or something for the sake of this story.

Kevin. Ah, Kevin. Yes, I think Kevin could possibly be gay. No, I don't see him getting all lovey dovey and "Benji, marry me! We'll escape together!" any time soon. In fact, I believe very firmly Kevin would be a lot harder to get out of the closet than Ben (Ben I'm convinced is bisexual at the very least. Birds of a Feather just cemented that for me. It's an opinion, feel free to disregard, but I'm going to keep believing it).

I don't mind stepping out side the realms of canon, but again….you've got to explain it and do so adequately. The 'I couldn't tell Gwen no because we're friends' does. Not. Work. Kevin usually starts those moments off, so you have to have a better explanation than that.

Not sure if this is all that funny. Sorry if it wasn't.


	8. The Authors Themselves

**Author's Note: **Another request from Lady Lalasa. Because I'd been contemplating doing a chapter like this anyways, but didn't know if anyone would really like it, but your request confirmed it for me. Yay! Whenever it has random parenthesis in the story, it means it's the 'author' talking (for all intents and purposes here, named "Sue". This is not actually my name). Author's notes written in italics are jokes within this chapter. Tenses changing done on purpose. To mock people. Because I'm mean like that.

So, Kevin, Gwen and Ben are all like, chilling out at Mr. Smoothy's when an alien attacks!

**End Chapter One**

_Author's note: So like, totally, I need 10 reviews for this story or I'm not going to continue!_

_**Chapter Two**_

_Author's Note: Oh my god, I got ten reviews!…why were they all anonymous and said almost the exact same thing? Oh well, reviews received!_

So the alien throws one of those stupid loogie things at us. (What do you call that stuff, anyways?)

Kevin throws a car at them…wait, them? Oh, did I mention there's a ton of aliens.

So, they beat the aliens and they save this girl, Sue (OMG, that's totally my name you guys!)

**End Chapter Two**

_Author's note: So, I got 10 reviews last time, I demand 20 before I update this time! Review, review, review, review! _

_**Chapter Three: **_

So after the aliens are defeated, Gwen and Kevin are talking.

"You know, Gwen, I have strong feelings for you." (Gwen and Kevin together rules! Ben and Kevin is just gross and Gwen and Ben is stupid!)

"I have strong feelings for you, too, Gwen. It's like something out of Taylor Swift's "Love Story"."

**End Chapter Three**

_Author's Note: So, are they going to go out? Are they going to kiss? You have to review and tell me what you want (Because by putting in options, I can get more reviews like the review whore I am, even though I'm a completely talent less hack that can't seem to get my friggin characters correct, but because I write romance, I'll automatically get some reviews from fans who don't care how badly you write, so long as you write for their favorite pairing!) This time I want 30 reviews!_

_**Chapter Four:**_

So Kevin asks Gwen out and they have an amazing time, and they kiss and they love each other forever and ever.

Oh, and…Ben does something, I guess.

**The End**

_Author's Note: The story's done now! So, how'd I do? I think I did a great job, and I want you to tell me about that. No one ever posts constructive criticism to these kinds of stories, so I'll never get any better. I'll just constantly be sent reviews like "I liked that" and "Kevin and Gwen are awesome together". I'll keep writing the same story about Kevin and Gwen getting together, using similar plot devices every time and complete out of characterness. And no one will ever stop me!_

**The End**

**True Author's Note: **Do I even need an explanation? Let me sum it up by changing a Smokey the Bear quote:

"Only You Can Prevent Crappy Fanfiction"

If you're like me, you never click the 'review' button for people who write like this. Check their profile. You'd be amazed how many write like this and are high school or college aged. I'm calling for constructive criticism to finally be fully utilized. Don't be mean, but if they're begging for that many reviews anyways, then go ahead and give it to them straight. I'm going to attempt to do this myself, but so far, all my reviews start out sounding something like "STOP WHORING FOR REVIEWS, YOU BASTARD, YOU DON'T DESERVE THEM BECAUSE YOUR STORY SUCKS ASS AND I HATE THAT STORIES IN MY FAVORITE'S LIST THAT CAN KICK YOUR STORY'S ASS HAVE A LOT LESS REVIEWS JUST BECAUSE YOU WITHHOLD CHAPTERS….". ….Obviously I need to work on the 'constructive' part.


	9. Colors of Ben 10

**Author's Note**: Cool, a marriage proposal in one of my reviews. That just tickles me. Thanks! So, guess what? I just went through a couple of fanfics looking for ideas. FOR THE MILLIONTH FREAKING TIME, IT'S NATALIE TENNYSON, NOT LILY! …Clearly the Harry Potter and Ben 10: Alien Force fandoms intersect, because they saw a red head and automatically named her "Lily" in the stories. Yes, I am annoyed by this. IT IS NOT THAT HARD TO DO SOME FRIGGIN RESEARCH. Ahem. So, a reviewer brought up something I'd meant to partially go over in the Bevin chapter, but it slipped my mind. And it's done often enough to be made fun of in its own chapter. Without further ado, it's the Analogies That Everyone Uses chapter. Filled with heavy handed hinting. Because this is so short, I was going to update twice tonight, but then I suddenly got sleepy, so I'll update once or more tomorrow (suggestions appreciated)

Kevin was driving his deep green car….green, the color of his lover Ben's eyes. Or…Gwen's. Since they have the exact same color eyes, it's kind of hard to tell. Also, since his car was already that shade of green when they met up with him again after five years, and their eyes were a different, lighter shade of green when they were younger, but still, he had intentionally set out to have Ben..or Gwen's eye color for his car.

They were such a lovely emerald green.

Hmm..

Well, not really. Maybe it was more a mossy color? Fungus? Kevin wasn't entirely sure. Oh! Of course…it was wheatgrass smoothie color. Actually, they were pretty close to the smoothie that Ben had given him that he'd dumped out after one sip. But it took too long to say that, so 'emerald' green they would remain.

He met up with both cousins, staring at Gwen's fiery red hair. It always was firey. Despite its much darker than fire red hue, that was what he thought of it has.

Man, one of these days he really needed to open a dictionary. Or at least a thesaurus. Weren't those online these days?

She looked back at him, staring into his obsidian eyes and looking with longing at his obsidian hair. Obsidian's a popular color. Sometimes his hair was more raven-y, but Gwen guessed that this was because his hair was such a mess that it reminded people of birds.

Sometimes both his hair and eyes were onxy colored. Gwen never realized just how fond she was of really dark colored stones until she started dubbing different colors on Kevin's eyes and hair.

For his part, he was studying her pale, smooth skin. Why was she always pale to him? Truthfully, he was far paler than she was. And her skin was always flawlessly smooth, despite being a teenager. He wondered for a moment how she (and for that matter, he himself) never seemed to get acne. At least he'd seen Ben get a zit once…

And there were those manna whips of hers. Sometimes he thought they were pink, sometimes they were purple.

"…Maybe I should get my eyes checked," he said suddenly, "I think I may be color blind."

**Explanation: **So, I've seen a lot of people try to use the "Kevin's car is green because it's Gwen/Ben's eye color!" as 'evidence'. I decided to address why that isn't plausible. The other things are just jokes at how a lot of people use the same descriptive words (hell, I think I myself have used "emerald green" more often than I should have, so poking fun at myself here, too). And thusly the thesaurus joke in here. Oh, and I double checked before I put that...yes, Gwen's skin color is darker than Kevin's. I got a picture of them in daylight beside each other and used an application in paint dot net to compare, and I promise that her skin color _is _darker. Yet a lot of times authors have her described as pale. Anyways, please suggest something. I'm probably going to either tackle "Kevin's Daddy Issues" next, "Future Kevin" or "The Many Different Ways Devlin and Kenny Still Exist, Even Though That Episode Was Confirmed Not To Be Canon.".


End file.
